Bruce Fox Blog

A Shortcut To 27 Years Of Acquired Knowledge

Posted by Dave Miller on Feb 1, 2017, 1:00:00 PM

Read Time -  5 minutes


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I don’t really feel like writing an introduction, and I’ve exceeded my threshold of word count according to the little word-county-thingie at the bottom of the page.  And I didn’t really feel like finding a suitable image for this post either—I’m writing this in the morning, and I guess I’m hungry.  So let’s shortcut to my shortcut of knowledge gleaned from nearly 27 years on the job. 

Cutting through the jargon, I have learned there are a number of things that mean something much different than what you might think:

PICKIN’ UP WHAT YOU’RE PUTTIN’ DOWN

BEFORE SOMEONE STEPS IN IT

 

“My client is still making a decision”

I’ll call my client as soon as I hang up.

 

“I haven’t heard anything yet”

I haven’t asked anything yet.

 

“I’ll let you know as soon as I hear”

You didn’t get the order.

 

“They went another direction”

I sold them something else.

 

“I haven’t heard back from you”

I’ve been wringing my hands for the entire 20 minutes it’s been since my email.

 

“Do you have this item?”

It’s a back-ordered stock product from one of your competitors, and I don’t have time to wait for their shipment from China.

 

“Hi”

An email salutation that indicates you are a singular recipient of an important message.  Along with 938 other people.

 

“Let’s partner”

This is gonna cost you!

 

“Please send me  3  catalogs”

I’m sending this fax because I just landfilled last year’s catalogs and have plenty of space in my filing cabinet to keep the new ones safe until next year’s purge.

 

“RFQ”

It’s a wired deal, but my client needs three quotes.

 

“RFP”

My client is price-checking.

 

TECH KNOWLEDGE-Y

TECH YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF

 

Fax

Seriously?

 

Junk

Outlook folder that inexplicably catches the one email message you really need.

 

Spam

E-mail marketing with the same aftertaste as the canned meat-like by-product.

 

LOL

Boeing’s first jet airliner in the midst of a barrel roll.

 

Hashtag

The price label on a starchy side dish at Waffle House.  (See?  I knew I’d get Waffle House in here somehow!)

 

=if(isnumber(search(“X”,A1)),”Y”,””)

An Excel formula that always yields “Rube Goldberg.”

 

Reply all

The Outlook message button that will create a response to everyone included in the “From” and “Cc” fields in the message you have received.

 

Reply

The Outlook message button you meant to click instead, because you referred to one of the Cc’ed people as a mouth-breathing moron.

 

Hypertext

A frantic note sent with a messaging app.

 

Follow

Stalk

 

Like

Stalk

 

Corn stem

Stalk

 

CLICHÉ IT AGAIN, SAM

WHAT’S A NICE DISTRIBUTOR LIKE YOU DOING IN AN INDUSTRY LIKE THIS?

 

It is what it is

A subtle version of “I know everything.  Except whatever the hell it was we were talking about.  Mostly because I wasn’t listening.”

 

Outside the box

This expression aims to foster creativity in the most uncreative way possible.

 

Seek closure

a.k.a. “Dear John.”

 

Gimme a shout

A phrase that is always accompanied by the Double Guns with Wink, even if it’s conveyed by phone or email.

 

Engage

Listen to me.

 

Active listening

An opportunity for me to think of what I’m going to say next.

 

Synergize

A term as cryptic and meaningless as a pink rabbit wearing sunglasses while banging on a drum.

 

MY IQ IS 140

ON AN “A”

 

In-hands date (IHD)

Calculated by taking the number of days of standard lead time and dividing by 2.7.

 

Receivable aging

Calculated by taking the number of days of quoted net terms and multiplying by 2.7.

 

Next column pricing

The stepchild of “EQP.”

 

EQP

The stepchild of “Better Than EQP”, this does not mean end-quantity pricing, as you might believe.  It is the truncated acronym for “Evaluating your price based on the Quotient of Pressure/Pleading/Persuasion.”

 

Better than EQP

Effectively the supplier’s total COGS—before prebate, rebate, free samples, spec samples, discount terms, extended terms, catalog placement fees, program fees, and vendor/end user show fees.

 

Overrun

What every meeting I’ve ever been to does.

 

Rerun

The easiest order to process, because everyone knows What’s Happening.  I’m almost inclined to apologize for this one.  Almost.

 

Tchotchke

Arthur Fonzerelli’s cousin who is loved by Joanie.

 

Proof

A measure of the amount of alcohol needed to get your customer to say yes.

 

Spot color

When you finally find what you’re looking for at the paint store.

 

Stitch count

What happens when you break a glass award in your hands.

 

Product safety

Non-compliance will cost you two points.

 

Rebate

The amount built into the price.

 

Deboss

The person in charge.

 

Die cast

Part of the process for making funeral masks.

 

Engrave

Where the subject matter of funeral masks end up.

 

Drop shipment

How package handlers interpret “Fragile” labels.

 

Hot stamping

What happens right after firewalking.

 

POTPOURRI FOR 800, ALEX…

RESPONSES MUST BE IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION

 

Trade show

What is a place for distributors to see where their suppliers are spending tens of thousands of dollars?

 

Power chargers

Who are LaDainian Tomlinson and Junior Seau?

 

Content marketing

What is marketing that doesn’t try too hard?

 

Drone

What is it that most webinar presenters tend to do?

 

Ream

What is the unit of measure for 500 angry letters?

 

Sans serif

What is a county without law enforcement?

 

Fleece

What it’s called when a supplier charges too much for outerwear?

 

Packing slip

What is forgetting to take something on a trip?

 

USPS

What can be found at the bottom of a letter from Uncle Sam?

 

UPS

What is pronounced “oops,” as in “Oops, we forgot to rescind fuel surcharges, even though the price of oil is half what it was four years ago?”

 

Circumference

Who is one of the Knights of the Round Table?

 

Budget

What is the term derived from the phrase “budge it”, which is what you can’t do to a customer’s price for at least three years?

 

End of day (EOD)

What is the term applied when someone has spent too much time on Facebook and is now in panic mode?

 

Alibaba

What is a great name for sesame chicken, but only if you’re open to it?

 

So there it is, a compendium of my entire scope of knowledge.  A complete list of everything I’ve learned in the last 27 years.  So go forth and multiply sales with these useful hacks in hand.

 

Just don’t overthink that last one.

 

When is an Award Effective?

 


D Ave.jpgDave Miller is VP of Sales & Marketing at Bruce Fox, Inc. and a professional writer by virtue of the fact his company is paying him to write this blog.  He has been with Bruce Fox since 1990, which somehow sounds more palatable than 26 years.  He likes his Waffle House hash browns covered, chunked and peppered.  The goal of his blog is to “edu-tain” (educate + entertain) promotional products distributors, with a focus on custom work.  Dave also finds it very awkward to write about himself in the third person.

 

Tags: Objections posed by distributors